New York is my happy place. It feels like home. It brings me so much comfort, fills my heart, and its where I feel I thrive. I honestly can’t wrap my mind around the fact I’ve been here for nearly 4 months already.
Ever since I left the city in May 2016, I was missing it. Honestly, probably not a day went by that I didn’t think about being here. But to be honest, coming to New York this year, I was kind of running away. I had been feeling unfulfilled and stagnant in my life in Victoria and felt that I needed a big change. Last year, coming here changed everything. It turned my world upside down, I fell so in love with life, felt more at home than ever, and came out feeling more myself. So I have to admit, I expected everything to change as soon as I got here in February. I had been depressed at home and thought getting out of my environment and coming to the city would flip it all around again. It happened once, why not again right?
Spoiler: running away doesn’t fix everything. Removing myself from my surroundings only made me realize that it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t that simple. In reality I was more alone with less clutter, belongings, and commitments, forcing me to dig deep and figure out why I was unhappy and why life felt so stagnant. For a while, I distracted myself so that I wouldn’t have to confront those thoughts. But eventually I realized that things weren’t going to get better unless I put the work in. It took me looking into flights home, a couple little breakdowns, and a lot of journaling to realize what was going on.
I was living in New York but wasn’t fully here. I wasted a lot of my time worrying and being afraid of all that I was leaving behind, questioning what I was doing, and doubting all my decisions.
This also helped me realize that I’m exactly where I need to be.